keroppocket.blogg.se

1. CODEPENDENTS OF SEX AND LOVE ADDICTS ANONYMOUS ACRONYM HOW TO
2. CODEPENDENTS OF SEX AND LOVE ADDICTS ANONYMOUS ACRONYM FULL

CODEPENDENTS OF SEX AND LOVE ADDICTS ANONYMOUS ACRONYM HOW TO

For example, instead of taking it personally or yelling, shrug off a rude comment or make a joke of it. Take time to figure out what you want to say and say it when youre calm rather than being quick to react in the moment. Differentiate whats in your control and what isnt.

Like setting boundaries, its not something you do once and then forget about! If he fails in it, the failure is not mine, no matter what others may think or say about it (One Day At a Time in Al-Anon, 1987, page 29).ĭetaching is something you do over and over again in relationships. Let me learn to play my own role, and leave his to him.

I think of detaching as untangling your life from someone elses so that your feelings, beliefs, and actions arent driven as a response to what someone else is doing.Ī popular Al-Anon reading advises: I must detach myself from his shortcoming, neither making up for them nor criticizing them. Detaching puts healthy emotional or physical space between you and your loved one in order to give you both the freedom to make your own choices and have your own feelings. Detaching helps you to stay in relationship and not lose your sense of self.ĭetaching is similar to setting boundaries. Its letting go of controlling and worrying and putting responsibility back on the individual.ĭetaching also isnt cutting ties or ending a relationship (although, at times, that can be the healthiest choice). Detaching isnt angry or withholding love. Detaching doesnt mean pushing people away or not caring about them. We use the term detach with love to remind us that detaching is a loving action. Detaching allows you to take care of yourself, honor your own feelings and needs, and let go of the guilt and shame that result from taking responsibility for other peoples bad choices.Īl-Anon (a 12-Step group for people affected by someone elses alcoholism) describes detachment with this acronym:ĭetaching means you stop trying to force the outcome that you want. (Codependent No More, 1992, page 60)ĭetaching is a way off of the relationship rollercoaster.

CODEPENDENTS OF SEX AND LOVE ADDICTS ANONYMOUS ACRONYM FULL

It also prevents your loved one from taking full responsibility for their life and learning to solve their own problems.Īccording to codependency expert Melody Beattie, Detachment is based on the premises that each person is responsible for himself, that we cant solve problems that arent ours to solve, and that worrying doesnt help. Its a distraction from taking care of yourself and solving your own problems. They have good intentions and a real desire to help, but this fixation on problems they cant actually solve (like your Moms alcoholism or your adult sons unemployment) isnt helpful to anyone. This can feel like an upside down roller coaster ride that never ends!īecause of their caring nature, codependents can become obsessed with other peoples problems. This creates a maddening push and pull where no ones happy and youre both trying to control and force. The problem is, sometimes your loved one doesnt want the help youre offering they want to do things their own way. This is done with a loving heart, but it can become all-consuming. Codependents often find themselves in dysfunctional relationships where they spend an inordinate amount of time worrying and trying to control or fix other people.